<<Ouch. So much of this post felt familiar to me: the emotionally fraught situation and the knowledge that others are counting on you to show up (in every sense of that term). The frantic attempts to salvage a situation that went sideways for no good reason. Stress makes ADHD symptoms worse. And that really sucks sometimes.
Source: Kelly Babcock Page Read more: buff.ly/2ZMWJId>>
<<This quote struck me, in the context of adult ADHD:
“In short, our anxiety is caused by uncertainty. It’s a feeling of alarm, of stress, of fear or even slight panic, when things feel unsettled, constantly shifting, out of control.”
Many people express surprise at the fact that stimulant medication can actually reduce anxiety in folks with ADHD. But think about it: a lot of us have lived with a very high baseline anxiety for years, but it has a clear source. We feel unsettled, out of control. Anything we do to regain control of our thoughts and our behavior will immediately reduce that anxiety. I remember so clearly living in a constant state of fear and chaos. It was a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Source: Zen Habits Read more: buff.ly/2OU3kzg>>
<<Since I last shared this post, readers have added a wealth of their own updates to the comments section. A must-read for anyone who takes Concerta or its generics.
Source: ADHD Roller Coaster with Gina Pera, Author and Adult ADHD Educator Read more: buff.ly/2H02Xgx>>
<<My six-year-old keeps his room surprisingly neat. I’m sure that’s helped by the fact that I don’t allow toy storage in there ;)
Lately he’s been learning to appreciate his room as a quiet retreat where he can calm his thoughts and emotions. Transitions – for example, from playing a video game to getting ready for dinner or from loud play to quiet time – are a huge struggle for him. If he’s having trouble switching gears, I’ll often ask him to go to his room and take a breather. He usually comes downstairs in a totally different frame of mind.
As the new school year approaches, it’s worth considering how we can make sure our kids’ bedrooms are serving them well.
Source: The ADHD Homestead. Read more: buff.ly/2TqAxRQ>>
When you realize it somehow escaped your notice that several months ago, your kid borrowed your phone for a very long video. Ostensibly of his Minecraft game, but mostly of the couch cushion.
Bought a new backpack with tons of organizer pockets and I am AMPED. Digging around in a messy bag makes me anxious. Misplacing something important makes me blow a gasket. I haven’t puzzled out all the ways this relates to my ADHD but I’m sure there are many:
Time blindness (I don’t have it now so I’ll never ever have it again)
Out of sight out of mind (I can’t find it so it’s dead to me)
Hyperfocus (all I can think of is how much I want this thing – and I can’t find it)
General time management (I’m already running late, I literally do not have time to lose something important right now)
Hoping a proper bag will beget a more relaxed travel mood this summer.
#ADHDwomen #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDproblems #ADHDmom #ADHDmoms #hotADHDmoms
I’ve been doing this thing with my mini habits lately where I try to cheat myself. I’ll define a set of reasonable daily goals like the ones you see here. But when I complete a next action or clean up one thing around the house, I’ll tell myself I don’t deserve credit.
“All you did was text so-and-so to ask what contractor they used to repair their brick wall. Do you really think that counts as your next action for the day?”
“You took one little cardboard box off the floor and put it in the recycling. Are you going to tell yourself that’s enough effort for the day? Look at the rest of the house!”
I have to be firm and say “Yes, actually, I am. This effort I made is something, and it counts. For now, for this moment, it is enough.”
When I say tiny efforts matter, I mean it. When we tell ourselves tiny efforts carry the same weight as no effort at all, how will we motivate ourselves to do anything?
There are days when I tackle five things from my to-do list or tidy up an entire room. But if today isn’t that day, if all I did was the bare minimum, that’s okay too.
#ADHDwomen #ADHD #adultADHD #ADHDproblems #minihabitssmallernabitsbiggerresults
I woke up this morning feeling stiff and sore. Lately I’ve noticed my wrist flaring up from too much time on the computer. My back has started noticing when I do a lot of work around the house. My muscles have tightened up around the the shoulder I had repaired back in 2010.
This is not life over 30, folks. This is life away from my yoga mat for too long. Literally all of these complaints vanish if I spend even five minutes a day on my mat.
I also — surprise, surprise — notice plenty of mental health benefits. That all-important pause between feeling irritation and losing my temper gets longer. I feel calmer, more in control of my brain.
It’s a catch-22 for people like me: yoga helps so much, with so many things, and yet it’s hard to stick to a routine. Even a simple routine that requires almost no effort.
But every day is a new day. I can forgive and forget a months-long lapse by spending 10 breaths in a single pose today. Remember that next time you berate yourself for letting a good habit slip away. Nothing is permanent.
#ADHDwomen #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDproblems #ADHDmom #ADHDmoms #hotADHDmoms
There comes a point in every big pull-everything-out-and-oraganize-it project when you just don’t feel like doing any more. At all. I kinda wish it came closer to the end.
#adhdproblems #adhdwomen #hotadhdmoms #adultadhd
(New blog post! Link is in my bio.) “Don’t do a half-assed job.” I can’t count the number of times I heard that as a kid. Or some variation of “if you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all.”
As an adult, I’ve tried hard to let go of perfectionism because you know what? If I waited until I had it in me to do a good job, I would literally never clean my house.
Want to know my big secret to keeping a clean and tidy house? Instead of making time to do it right, I half-ass it with the time I have every week.
I figure any reduction in clutter, dust, and general yuckiness has to be a good thing. Who cares if I don’t get 100 percent?
#ADHDwomen #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDproblems #ADHDmom #ADHDmoms #momlife #hotADHDmoms
Only a few additions left before @dothethingapp is ready for its first test: I’m going to start using it as my daily to-do list tool. It’s so gratifying to see a project start to come together. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve felt really frustrated lately because I haven’t had a normal work-week structure. Things will settle down next Monday but for now I’m squeezing my work in wherever I can. For some reason I thought having 2.5 weeks of summer-vacation down time would be an okay idea. Me! I thrive on structure and tend to freak out with a relax, see-what-happens approach to life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Oh well. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Because I haven’t had much uninterrupted work time, I haven’t gotten to tackle this last major feature. And it’s one I really need: task recurrence. When I check off a task like “clean the washing machine,” I want that same task to magically appear when I need to do it again a month later. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My brain has been mush so I needed to sit down and sketch some stuff out with pencil and paper before I started writing the code. Then I talked to my husband about my ideas and he immediately pointed out an unnecessary relationship that could create performance issues later. Fortunately I hadn’t done the work yet and I could just cross it out on my paper. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you’re having trouble thinking through something — whether you’re developing an app or packing for a vacation — it can really help to write it all out on paper! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Thanks to my ADHD I have the world’s worst working memory and literally can’t reason with more than one thing in my head at once. I need to write it out. Sometimes it feels silly, but it helps me enough that at this point that I don’t care 😂 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHDwomen #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDproblems #womenwhocode #iOS #iOSdev #swift #codinglife
Some weeks are like this picture. Directly behind me in the shot lies the ocean. Gorgeous little waves under a blue sky with white clouds. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But when I turned around I saw this. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are plenty of metaphors and lessons here, about Lot’s wife or the calm before the storm or the need to keep one’s head on a swivel. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But sometimes you know the storm is coming and you take a few minutes to gaze out at the sea anyway 🙃
Working away from home. Sometimes you gotta.
Sometimes the people in my household drive me BANANAS. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Yesterday I texted this picture to my husband with the caption, “someone’s getting a Sun Butter sandwich tomorrow.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ That someone is our son, and he thinks Sun Butter is the absolute worst. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Since peanut butter isn’t allowed at school, I make him a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch every morning. All I ask in return is that at the end of each day he unpack his school bag and return his insulated lunch box to the kitchen. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This kiddo is incredibly capable and self-sufficient. He’s also a champion avoider. If you ask him to do something unpleasant or tedious or boring, forget it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Yesterday he was extra displeased with me after school because I told him he had to clean up a mess he had made before he could play outside. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So he stayed inside and did absolutely everything but what I’d asked him to do. Including take his lunch bag to the kitchen. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sometimes I take pity on him and put the bag into the freezer anyway. Not yesterday. I’d endured enough. Really, more than enough. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When someone fails to hold up their end of a bargain, it’s okay to stand firm. It’s okay to let them suffer the consequences. As long as you do it with kindness and respect. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In fact, this also models healthy relationships. Mutual respect. Setting expectations and boundaries. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Our kids’ time at home should be a safe space to make mistakes. Their relationship with us is where they learn how to be strong, responsible, helpful, respectful, and kind. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ They don’t learn this by being yelled at or punished. But they don’t learn it from being bailed out all the time, either. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It’s a balance. More musings at the link in my bio. I hope you’re all having a peaceful week 💛 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (Also, credit/thanks to @vickihoefleparenting and her amazing books for setting me on this journey years ago.) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHDwomen #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDproblems #ADHDmom #ADHDmoms #momlife #hotADHDmoms #parentingADHD #parenting #ducttapeparenting #adhdparenting
Real talk: once I feel well enough to know how behind I got while sick/busy/traveling/whatever, I tend to freak out. It’s bad. The other day I cried because I felt like eating some grapes and we didn’t have any. I’m kind of a basket case. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Problem is, health is generally not a binary condition. I don’t get sick often, but when I do it’s something with a long tail. Like bronchitis. This time it was the flu. I can’t just catch up on everything the very first day I feel kinda better. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So how do I catch up? Besides crying about the grapes and debating burning the house down rather than catch up on weekly chores, that is. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ One of my best tools is my habit hearts. I’ve talked about them a lot before. They’re itty-bitty habits I define fresh at the start of every week. Stupid-small stuff like doing a single yoga pose or strumming the guitar one time or writing 100 new words of fiction. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This week I dedicated all my habit hearts to things that would make me feel like I’m getting caught up. Each day I’m trying to tackle one item on my to-do list, keep my physical inbox from expanding, and do one (small!) thing to get the house back in order. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It sounds silly and lame. Like that small an effort could never make a real difference. But it’s all about getting started. Reducing goals to the smallest, least-overwhelming possible size. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Also, feeling in control again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Also, completion. Filling in that last heart before I go to bed. Being able to tell myself I did all I set out to do today. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Small steps. They’re the only size steps I complete reliably anyway. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (P.S. Credit goes to #StephenGuise, whose book Mini Habits inspired my hearts.) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDwomen #hotmomswithADHD #ADHDmoms #momswithADHD #bujo #bulletjournal #bujodailylog #minihabits
I’m back…? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I wrote a lot of code last week. It feels like I did it in a dream. Maybe I did, I don’t know. I was so sick. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A week ago I was incapacitated by flu. Despite regaining most of my lucidity by the next morning, I spent the rest of the work week in bed with a lingering fever. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I didn’t feel so awful, but it really says something that I didn’t get stir crazy until Friday. I didn’t have a mind for any of my writing work but I could manage to work on my app. So I did. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I ended up mostly completing a big refactor before burning out on the project and spending Friday doing an unsolicited rewrite of a friend’s resume (fortunately she wasn’t mad!). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Only today, a full week after falling ill, did my brain start to wrap itself around a problem I uncovered with last week’s coding marathon. I started to have new ideas again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I struggle so hard when my routines get disrupted. When I can’t work. Fortunately I had something to occupy my mind during my convalescence, to keep me in one spot and (for the most part) resting. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Now I’m opening up all the projects I dropped when I got sick and trying to pick up the threads again. It’s tough, after my mind has so fully disengaged from everything for so long. Maybe that’s another reason we ADHDers hate to put down a task once our hyperfocus kicks in. We love that feeling of being totally in the zone, but it can be tough to sink back into it once we break the spell. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Hope you’re all healthy, friends. I hear this spring flu is no joke. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDwomen #hotmomswithADHD #ADHDmoms #momswithADHD #womenwhocode #iosdeveloper #workaholic
Failure. It sucks, right? And those of us with ADHD often experience more than our fair share. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Enough that we start to see it as inevitable. We try a new thing, try to get organized, and when we fail we say, “See? I’ve tried everything. Nothing works.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Well, news flash: yeah, we will fail at everything. Everyone does. Failure is a normal part of life — and it’s temporary. Mistakes, struggles, failures: all of these have necessary wisdom to teach us. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Y’all know I’m not one to put a positive spin on stuff that’s clearly a Big Problem. But if we keep seeing failure as a referendum on our innate abilities, we stop taking risks. We stop challenging ourselves. Because when we see our limits as fixed, it hurts to reach them. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If something goes wrong, it doesn’t mean we suck or we can’t do it or we need to try harder. It means we need to troubleshoot. Figure out what went wrong. Make a small adjustment before we try again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We can’t engage in this learning process without making ourselves vulnerable to failure. The minute we see failure as a judgement on our worth, we stop benefiting from it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Anyway, my thoughts on this won’t fit in one bitty Instagram post. Check the link in my bio for the whole story 💛 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDwomen #selfesteem #growthmindset #hotmomswithADHD #inspirationalquotes #learningfromfailure #ADHDmoms #momswithADHD
A bit of a latergram on this one as I reflect on some epic overwhelm. Last week was my son’s birthday. Over the weekend I attended a school fundraiser as a parent and unofficial event photographer, then woke up the next morning and had 50 people over for the kiddo’s birthday party.
So much coordination! Restaurant dinners, hosting family here for dinner, party planning, packing my camera bag, and all that social energy.
I’m trying to regain my productivity this week but also giving myself a little room to decompress.
This photo is from a little solo trip I took over spring break. I spent 2.5 days snowboarding, coding, and doing a little editing for a friend. Alone.
Sometimes people look at me funny for doing stuff like this. Whatever. I know what it’s like to be an introvert and a mom with ADHD. And how tough it can be to balance that with my own projects. A break here and there acts like a hard reset. I come back refreshed. Less overwhelmed.
And it doesn’t need to be a hotel stay at a ski resort. Most often, I escape to my grandmother’s house at the Jersey Shore. I meet my best friend there to write and surf together. Nothing fancy, but I can always tell when it’s been too long.
It’s easy to tell ourselves we need to work harder, try harder. But the right kind of break can work wonders for our productivity, too 😉
#hotADHDmoms #momswithADHD #ADHDmoms #ADHD #AdultADHD #introvert #introvertlife #ADHDwomen #womenwhocode #amediting #writersofintsagram
If I ever claim my ADHD gives me “blind enthusiasm,” there’s a chance I mean that literally. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I was so amped about my new partyware, I didn’t notice the glaring defect in these two cups until after I’d already washed them and thrown away the packaging. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On the bright side, the other 10 are fine? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #momswithADHD #ADHDproblems #adultADHD #adhdmom #hotadhdmoms
I had such a lovely time talking to Liz at @healthyADHD for this podcast. We talked about my history and how I was a gifted student who no one ever suspected had ADHD. We talked about what happened when I reached the real world and could no longer coast to the easy A. And we talked about how I got from that chaotic, anxious, emotionally volatile place to where I am now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Life is so complicated for women with ADHD. I feel privileged to help and support these women with my work. And of course Liz is such a delight and I jumped at the opportunity to sit down and chat for a while. She has such a knack for creating community within our tribe. I’ve put the episode link in my bio and I hope you’ll have a listen. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #AdultADHD #ADHDmoms #momswithADHD #ADHDwomen #ADHD
Because I always, always remember what I was thinking when I wrote those notes to myself 🤦🏻♀️🤣🙄 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHDwomen #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDproblems
With the end of every trip comes the inevitable bag lurking in the corner. I try to be very strict with myself about unpacking because if I give myself the slightest break, the bag can literally sit there until the next time I go out of town. What’s the longest you’ve ever left a bag sitting like this? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHDproblems #AdultADHD #ADHDmoms #momswithADHD #ADHDwomen #vacation #ADHD
So @healthyadhd gave me a hard time about my #bujo headers. I’m going to be honest, mine are very rarely hand lettered and pretty. And they never, ever start that way. If I expected that of myself I would literally stop using my Bullet Journal at all. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Usually I just write my normal handwriting in all caps with my trusty sharpie pen and, if I’m feeling fancy, trace over it in crayon. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Other times I think I might get ambitious and hand letter it later. So I write placeholder text in pencil. But let me tell you, just typing the word “later” made me chuckle at myself a little 🙃 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHDproblems #AdultADHD #ADHD #ADHDwomen #bulletjournal #handlettering
Yesterday I went to a party. I didn’t realize how far away it was when I RSVP’ed. Actually, I didn’t realize how far away it was until I checked the trip on my phone that morning. The town name in the address hadn’t been familiar, but I’d assumed I had a general idea of where it was (I didn’t — at all). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ At that point my whole routine was thrown off because I very rarely drive more than 10-15 minutes to get anywhere. Did I have gas in the car? (I fill my tank maybe once every 4-6 weeks, when the orange light comes on.) Was my phone charged? Which podcasts should I download for the drive? What about music? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Then of course I had to figure out what time to leave the house for such an epic journey (i.e. a one-hour drive to a DC suburb). And what time to start gathering my supplies and brewing my long-drive coffee. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I got a little flustered but I did pretty well, except for forgetting I had wanted to stop at the gas station on the way. But in the corner of my mind I wondered: is going to a party an hour away this much of a production number for everyone? Sheesh. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHDproblems #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDwomen #citylife #ADHDmoms #momswithADHD
Pssst. I lied, sometimes I actually do hand-letter my #bujo titles. But only when I’m fidgeting or avoiding something else I’m supposed to do 🤫 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #ADHDproblems #ADHDwomen #fidgeting #bulletjournal #bujodailylog #ADHD
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